For those dirty minds...

I have a good topic today. And it is one that ponders .. EVERYONES mind. Male, female. Straight, bi-sexual, or gay. This question has crossed your mind. And tonight, I'm bringing that topic up for discussion..

Does size really matter?

This really is an amazing question. I do have a few stories to explain my answer. To me, no, size does not matter. Everyone is different though. Everyone has their own opinion. But for me to say no, is probably a lie. Size does not matter, if you know how to use what you've got. Story time: So my friend was telling me about this guy from another school. He is the definition of a man-whore. She was telling me that he would litterally walk around telling people he had a small penis. Yet somehow, managed to have sex with well over 30 girls. Now personally, if a guy is telling people he has a small weenie. I probably would be turned off by the fact that he is telling people this. But these girls did not hesitate to take him for a ride. Why? Because he had confidence. He knew he was small, and worked with it. He was able to work with what his parents gave him. And apparently, he was not bad in bed. At the same time though, if you sleep with a guy who has a small weenie, and he DOESN'T know what he is doing, you are pretty much going to have to fake it. Me, I got lucky, my boyfriend is just the way I would want him to be. But, you can always start to have feelings, and then have sex and be surprised. It all depends on you, on the inside, and how you feel, if you enjoy it or not. If you really care about the person, you make it work.


It was another short blog, but I hope it was interesting.
Please, comment with blog ideas you may have that I can rant about. :)

The Number One..

So, this blog today is going to be about the number one thing bothering me at the moment. Currently, I am at home in an extreme amount of chest pain that has been going on for the past hour and half. Not quite sure what is wrong, but I am trying to stay calm, in hopes it will go away. My mom is on her way to my apartment now, and I might be going to the ER. Now, I know the question you are all probably wondering right about now.. Why didn't you go to the hospital right away? Well my friend, this is exactly what I am going to write about.

Well, I don't have insurance. I am going to be 21 in January, and a full time student (also in January).. but because I was only a part-time student this semester, I could not be on my step-dads insurance. Well, for the past few weeks, I've been getting really sick. My heart has been racing with minimal to no activity. I am light-headed and dizzy all the time. I get headaches that last all day, and don't seem to want to go away. Sunday night, I fainted. Not sure for how long. Today, I have this pain on the left side of my chest. Feels like someone is stabbing me and putting a lot of pressure on me. And I've been short of breath. My mom got me to be on the insurance, but it doesn't go through until January. So what am I supposed to do? She tried calling and asking them to push it through, because I am obviously in need of treatment. But, they said no. So here I am, laying on my couch, in a lot of pain. But because the ER likes to charge people rediculous amounts of money for things, I am skeptical to go. So today.. this is what bothers me. WHY CANT WE ALL JUST HAVE INSURANCE. Shit, other countries do it, and it comes out of their taxes. Nope, the US is fucking rediculous. What if I was having a heart attack today and died? What would I get from the government? I'll tell you.. NOTHING. A plain "Oh well." And that is complete bullshit. We live in this nation that is all about freedom. Well tell me, freedom to do what? Because will all this freedom, it seems like there are stipulations to everything. I have the freedom of seeking medical care, BUT I have to pay stupid amount of money because I don't have insurance. I really think that is the stupidest thing. I understand doctors have to make money too. Good for them. Great for them! And then there are people who make a stupid amount of money, because they make movies. Like, thats great and all, but how about setting up a fund for the people in the world who don't have insurance, and can't afford to get better? If I was making the amount of money these people do, I would definitly donate to that. But do they? Sure, for little kids. But what about for adults? Or people who got kicked off their parents because they don't go to school full time. Okay, grand, some jobs give out benefits. But sometimes, they aren't even good ones. I went with my old insurance before I got laid off.. I still have to payover $2000. So where the FUCK was my insurance in that case?

I'm done with this rant. Enjoy:)

Hiatus

Hello my wonderful readers..

I got into a minor car accident today, and hurt my neck. So I'm going to be taking a break from this. But please, feel free to send me topic ideas to my email. I would love to come back to having something to vent and complain about! :)

Hopefully be back in a few days.


email: pmelliexo@hotmail.com

Does everything really happen for a reason?

Well I slacked off a little bit, and didn't do this post in the wee hours of the morning like I usually do. But that's okay, because I'm doing it now. And I think today is going to be a good one. At least.. I hope so :)

Now, ever since I was younger, I have believed in saying "Everything Happens for a Reason". Until recently, I have believed that 100%. But as I got older, and things started happening in my life, I started believing in it less and less. Just a little bit of background on the bad stuff that have happened in my life.. When I was 2, I was sexually abused by my biological father. When I was 9, I was physically abused by him so badly that I was unable to walk or sit down. With my mom, step-dad, and little brother, I moved out of state. I spoke to my bio-dad, and ended up finding out that he was gay. I ended all communications with him. Now, don't take it that I ended it because he was gay. Not at all. Some good friends of mine are gay. I ended my communication because I realized my "daddy" wasn't the best father figure for me. So I started a new life. When I was 18, I was kicked out of my house for the first time. Then right after my 19th birthday, I left on my own. Couldn't take my at home life. I moved back in with my parents for a little while, and left again this past April. I moved out on my own. Working a full time job and going to school full time. With no car, and pretty much no money for anything buy rent. Then in June, a good friend of mine passed away. There are so many stories as to what happened, and the autopsy report hasn't been made public, but the police are still investigating it. Now is when I ask.. If everything happens for a reason, why did all this stuff happen. Why is it that "Only the good die young"? I'm starting to not understand what these reasons are. How long is it going to be until we know what the reasons are? I can understand that things may happen for a reason.. but why can't we know the reasons right away? Why does it take years or even decades sometimes before we know the answer?

So I'll end with the question that is also the title of todays blog.
Does everything really happen for a reason?

xoxo, M

There is a difference between RPG & IRL...

So about a month ago, I started playing this game called IMVU. Originally I was playing Second Life for my psychology class, but i hated the graphics and it was SO slow. So I started with IMVU. It's a lot of fun, and I've made a bunch of new friends. It's great. I feel like such a dork because I sit behind a computer and play in a virtual world. But it's so much fun.It's like my getaway from real life. I get to shop, and dress in whatever I want. I'm starting a business on there, and working as an RPG (Role-Playing) Bartender. It's great! But there are downfalls to playing. Not with the game itself, but with some people. Which leads me to todays topic...


Recently, a fued has begun between me, my RPG sister, and people I thought were friends. Now, I'm not going to get into details about this fued, because to be honest.. it's just plain STUPID. The thing that pisses me off, is how seriously people take this game. I had one girl telling me she was going to beat me up once. Really? How are you going to do that? Are you going to come knocking at my door? Please, I used to fight for a hobby. Never going to happen. I mean, sometimes it can be funny to pick on people that just act stupid. But when people start fights, and starting acting like middle schoolers.. it really annoys me. Why do you need to act that way? You are NEVER going to see these people.  It just bothers me how people that are 21+ can act so immature. Especially when they are sitting behind a computer screen.
It's a short post today. But I'm sure I'll be adding onto this one. Hope you enjoy :) Comment!

What is love? Baby don't hurt me. No more.

I've come to realize that people use the word love like it's nothing now. I feel like the word is being tossed around so much. And on top of that, people are getting married at such young ages. I mean, if you really are the right ones for each other, why do you need to rush it. Jeez, enjoy your younger years, because more than likely your marriage is going to end up in divorce, and your going to be too old and saggy to get into another relationship. Now do I belive there is one person out there for everyone? Soul-mates? Yes and no. I do believe that there is someone you are supposed to be with. Someone that is completely compatible with you. BUT I also do believe that you can find true love in more than one person. If that makes any sense. What if you have a great marriage with someone and that person passes away, and then one day your in the grocery store and meet someone you really enjoy being around.. you two get to know each other and end up falling in love? I believe it's so possible. Now back to people getting married so young. Why rush things? What's the point? Me.. I want to at least be out of college and have a stable career before I get married. I want to be sure that this person I want to marry is that right person. I want to be dating him for a long time. I want to have a decently long engagement. I want to make sure I can live with him in an apartment so I know that I can live with him for the rest of my life. I don't really believe in divorce. Which is why I want to make sure that this is right. Now this is going to bring me to my second section today.. Military and Marriage..

I feel like so many people are joining the military and getting married for the benefits. Which is completely against the law, but who's gunna know right. And then I have friends of mine who started dating last September. They already got married in May. They weren't even dating for a year yet! Granted, they did live together. But they started dating in September.. He left for BMT (basic military training) for the Air Force in December. Then, he was away from her until she got to see him at the end of January. And then he was in tech school.. UNTIL MAY. And that's when they got married. Personally, yes I am happy for them, but I feel they rushed getting married. Then I have another friend, her and this guy were engaged before, and she decided she didn't want to be with him. Then one day she tells me she's going to marry him so it could help him get more money for being in the Army. Now.. they have a beautiful baby boy, and are in a happy, healthy marriage. Kudos. But not all work out that way. Another couple friends of mine.. I knew him forever, she was one of my best friends. They met, he was in the Marines stationed in Japan (they met via myspace) .. She flew out to see him. Then went a second time and he proposed. Then he comes home, she gets pregnant. They get married. Pop out a GORGEOUS baby girl, whom I love so much.. and now they pretty much hate each other. Getting divorced. I have so many more stories of my friends. WHATS THE POINT?! WHYYY!???? Now.. babies..

My graduation class in 2007 had NINE pregnant girls. Off the top of my head, I can name at least 10 friends of mine 21 and younger that have 1 or even 2 kids. First off. WE ARE IN A RECESION! It's A LOT cheaper to buy a pack of condoms here and then than to go buy diapers and formula every week. And a lot of the people I know, the babies parents aren't even together. Why do you want to bring a child into this world, if you don't even know if you're going to be with this person forever. Now, I really think a big factor in this are shows like Teen Mom and 16 & Pregnant. But I watch those shows, and I see the struggles these moms go through, some by themselves.. I don't want that. And this country today.. I don't want to bring my child into this. I feel like some girls watch those shows and want to be moms just like Maci. Shoot, I would love her to be my mom if I was a baby. She is a great mom. But you could turn out like Amber, who deserves to have her daughter taken away from her. But then there's Caitlyn. I give her SO much credit. She knew her household wasn't good for a baby, but she gave the baby up for adoption, and Carly is with great parents. Anyway.. These shows and movies like Juno. Teenages watch them. My high school was nicknamed Pregnant Valley. Enough said. I just don't understand why people feel the need to produce children if they aren't ready. And especially if they are not financially stable. Babies aren't cheap. And the recesion we're in isn't going to be changing anytime soon.

I really wish people wouldn't take the word LOVE so lightly anymore. I look at my grandparents, who are happily married, and they were high school sweethearts. Inspiration. Why can't love be like the movies anymore? I'll tell you why in one word. Hallmark. Think about it.

Religion at its finest..

Now, this topic is going to get into religion and things like that. I first and foremost want to say this.. I am under no circumstances prejudice or racist. These are just things that I have thought about, and decided to share with whoever wants to read. Do NOT critisize me for my thoughts. I guarentee at some point you have some sort of these thoughts..

1) Why do we classify people as jews when that is their religion? I'm not hating on jews by all means, but "jew" is not a nationality. so when we classify them, why dont we call them Irish, German, Dutch, Spanish, etc? Why do we call them Jews? Why is THAT the classification we give them? Doesn't that make us somewhat like Hitler? Think about it.. Hitler was all about the "perfect" race. But what he failed to realize was exactly that. Jew is not a race! There were plenty of Jewish people that were born elsewhere. Take Anne Frank for instance. She was not born in Israel. She was born in Holland. She was raised in Holland. And yet she was shunned upon by the community because of her religion. But how did that work with Hitler? I understand he was a Christian. So yes, he wanted his "perfect race" to be Christian. But today, after all the people that died.. We learn about this stuff in High School History classes! Why do we hate Jewish people so much? Someone explain to me why we just automatically hate them. I've heard somewhere that even Walt Disney was a Nazi. Don't get me wrong, I love Disney movies, but why let your kids watch these shows with Mickey Mouse wearing a swastika on his arm. ..I sidetracked a lot here. It bothers me that we classify Jewish people like that instead of what they're nationality. If they are from Israel, then they are Isreali. Simple as that. I think it kind of degrades them as people.



2) So a friend of mine sent me this..

Christianity: The belief that a cosmic jewish zombie can make you live for ever if you telepathicly tell him you accept him as your master and ritualisticly eat his fleash so he can remove the evil in your soul which has been there since a rib woman was convinced to eat a magic apple by a talking snake... makes perfect sence

Now I just ask you to do this. Sit back, re-read that, and this time.. THINK about it. Makes a lot of sense doesn't it? I was baptised Catholic. Other than for weddings, I couldn't tell you the last time I was in church. Does that make me a bad person? If it does, I'm sorry for that. I really am. To me.. I have enough stuff going on in my life, to sit in a church and pray to someone, I'm not even quite sure is listening. I believe you determin your own fate. You make your own decisions. Sorry, I do not think that God makes decisions for you. If that was the case, why are there murders and so many other kinds of bad people out there? Why is there so much crime in the world when, for those who believe, God is controlling what we do. I don't believe it. I can't believe it. When we are faced with a cross-road to make a decision.. WE make that decision. No one else makes that for us. And Adam & Eve? .. That would make this entire world (again, for those who believe) full of incest. Are you kidding me?! We are all having sex with our brothers and sisters. Gross. To me, I can't believe that. Riddle me this.. How do we know that the bible is accurate? How do we know it's even real? And tell me this.. can you have your own beliefs if you are (insert religion here)? I am 100% for gay people. Gay marriages, everything. Accourding to the Catholic faith.. thats bad. Shunned upon. Pretty much, the only way to be a good Catholic, you have to believe everything in the faith. That's what my CCD teacher told me years ago. Everyone is going to believe or not believe in things they want or do not want to. None of us are perfect. Sorry!

Most of the topics I brought up here are things people do not want to think about. But I hope I opened your eyes a little. Comments are encouraged. Please, do not post negative things about me. I am writing what comes to my mind. No harm needs to be done here.

Thank you for reading.

Sexual Irk-ings

So this is my rant and rave of things in life that bother me and I do not understand. Please feel free to comment and state your point. I will reply back to all points you make. :)

So I was on my IMVU account today, and friends and I were just disscussing things, and I ended up bringing up two things that bother me.

1) Why are guys so interested in having anal sex? I mean, come on, think about it. You want to stick your penis in the hole that your girl poops out of. Thats kinda gross. I mean, I get its a tighter hole. But go to a sex store and buy this stuff called "shrink ease" or something like that. And you can put it on your girls vagina, and she feels tighter. It's like she's a virgin all over again. I can understand gay guys.. they really don't have another option for sex. Understandable.. but not every girl wants to have anal sex. And if it's because you like the positioning.. well FYI there is something called doggy-style and its the same thing, just a different hole. So please, tell me why you guys are so interested in having anal sex??!!

2) Now, call this being disrespectful.. But it is just something I don't understand. Lesbians. Why is it that they don't want to have sex with a man, but they will buy a strap-on (which is a fake penis) and have sex? Once again, I understand they don't have any other way of sex other than oral, but I don't get it. Maybe it's because I'm not a lesbian. But I just don't see if you don't want to have sex with a penis, why have sex with a fake one? So, if there are any lesbians out there.. explain this to me please. I really am not trying to be rude, just trying to understand.


So there are the first two topics. Hope you enjoy, and there are going to be plenty more where those came from.